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For NY [Dec. 31st, 2011|02:25 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[mood |goodgood]

Hi all.

I'm considering putting a reading resolution on my short list for this year. What do you all use to track books read?

Thanks! And happy new year! Hope this one is better than the last, no matter how good the last was for you. :-)
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Travel, travel, travel [Jul. 4th, 2011|11:31 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , ]
[mood |tiredtired]

Last week I spoke at an event in Minneapolis, attended an unrelated conference there, and officiated my second wedding for friends in Bloomington Ind.

Now I'm on vacation in Denver. My day is summed up thus:
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Agenda [May. 30th, 2011|01:10 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[mood |goodgood]

Because I'm sitting in the airport, and online, it occurs to me that I should post.

I'm on my way to SF, to visit mom & bro, see some other friends, have some business meetings, and go boot shopping at It's time I finally bought a pair of engineer boots that fit me. (I'll probably visit the Mr S retail store as well.) After all that I'll be going up to Arcata for a wedding; it should be lovely.

Kisses to all of my LJ peeps who check in now and then!
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On relationships [Jul. 22nd, 2010|03:14 am]
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[mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

I was talking with various friends this week about their relationships, and thinking about good and bad relationships, and realized I've seen a lot of sub-optimal patterns. Here's the payload from that train of thought. (It's only tangentially related to my recent relationship circumstances.)

These are general fears I have about the relationships of that the kick-ass women (well, everyone, but mostly women) in my life. For every one of these patterns I can tell you a sad story of a(t least one) friend with good intentions.

1- In business, "perfect is the enemy of good," because you have to ship sometime. In relationships, I feel that "good enough" is the enemy of good, and a lot of people settle for good enough, because they can't conceive of getting anything better (see also Mr. Right Now, only right now ends up stretching on for many years). Sometimes this is because they haven't seen many really good relationships as role models, sometimes it's because their personal relationship history has been bleak.

2- "But he loves me." The unspoken half of the sentence is "and I'm afraid no one else will", or "and that validates me and gives me a purpose," or both.This is a tricky one. Deservedness is a bitch. Fear of loneliness sucks. We all suffer from it. If the mostly-ok thing we've got seems like the last chance we'll get, we'll settle. Beggars can't be choosers, and all that. This is based in fear and scarcity and leads to a lot of #1.
EDIT: See also

3- Inertia: "well, we're here..." I asked a friend why he decided to get married. He said "It was either that or lose her, and I wasn't ready to lose her, so..." Needless to say they're now divorced.

4- "It'll get better." Last week I had lunch with a friend, who, 8 years into a relationship, married, and with a toddler, has realized her husband will never be as comfortable with emotional or physical intimacy as she'd like. He made some progress for a while, but that was a long time ago. He's a great practical and intellectual partner, but not the romantic partner she wants. She'd hoped he'd change more, but he didn't. (She also told me I'd called this emotional mismatch before they even started dating.)

5- "Turns out we're both submissive" or "I'm kinky, she's totally vanilla" or "my libido is 3x my partner's." I know some couples who are in the first boat, I've been in the second and third boats a couple of times. People end up either feeling like they're not enough, or their requests are unreasonable. It sucks all around.

6- Serial Monogamy. I've seen MANY women, a few months out of a long relationship, fall into another long relationship with the first guy that's halfway decent to them. Usually, he's much better in the domain that the ex- was failing in (affection, finances, looks, whatever), so he looks like gold in comparison (and of course has his own flaws). With enough of these course corrections we can discover our preferences and build a profile of what really works for us, but it's faster if you're dating for a few months at a time instead of a few years.

7- "But sometimes it's really good!" That's true of abusive relationships too, or you'd have left a long time ago. Sometimes (really) Good implies often not-so-good.

In contrast to all of that, there is a lot to be said for, and a lot of power in, finding a pretty good match and simply choosing them to be your partner and committing to working with what you've got. (This is the satisficer approach. Contrast with maximizer.) I know some great relationships like this, and fundamentally, it's the only way to be successful in the long term. But it sure helps to start out as far ahead as you can, in terms of compatibility and happiness.

Now mind you, I'm 36 and single, and a maximizer, so relationship advice from me is worth what you paid. That said, I think I've accumulated some pretty good insight by watching other people, listening to them, and trying different relationship styles on. My plan is to find an amazing partner, and have an amazing relationship.
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Magic fingers [Jun. 8th, 2010|03:15 am]
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[mood |nerdynerdy]

I'm seriously considering getting magnets glued to my fingernails. How cool would it be to be able to feel current and fields? Anyone in Seattle want to join me?

And anyone elsewhere considering it? I'm looking at you sanguinity and randomdreams.
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Blues on a boat [Mar. 10th, 2010|11:15 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[music |Walkin' Away Blues by Ry Cooder]

Hi LJ.

It's been a long time. Hopefully this extended entry full of love, lust, drama, mystery, novelty, and cultural judgement makes up for it.

Yeah, on a boat.Collapse )
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Gone burnin' [Aug. 29th, 2009|09:50 pm]
[Current Location |Central Oregon]

Remarkably, I'm headed to burning man again. Home late Monday or Tuesday of next week. Looking forward to seeing people after I get back. Love you all.

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September travel [Aug. 22nd, 2009|06:48 pm]
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Have I mentioned yet that I'm going back to Burning Man this year? I am.

Then I'm home for a few days, and off to NYC, western MA, and Boston (friends), Vermont (wedding), Williamsburg VA (Mom), and Alexandria VA (teaching a workshop for an Agency you've heard of).

So yeah. Hope to see you at the burn, or when I'm traveling, or when I get back. :)
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Know any good single men in Seattle? [Aug. 5th, 2009|12:04 am]
A cool friend who was kind enough to set me up with a friend of hers is also looking for a partner. Part of her strategy is to blog about what she's looking for, and see if that turns up any interesting leads. Her blog is below. Please pass it along, if you know anyone who's looking.

She's also on LJ, so she'll see comments here, if you've got suggestions.
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Quarterly report [Jul. 27th, 2009|02:01 am]
[Tags|, , , , , , , , ]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Too Darn Hot - Ella Fitzgerald]

Life, briefly:

Not enough hours each day, nor days per week. Welcome to summer.

Still employed. The big company I was hired by handed us off to a smaller, hipper subsidiary, that is the market leader in Virtual Machines, if you catch my drift. The guy they hired for us to report to is a pretty poor cultural fit. We'll see how it goes. Besides that, I still love my boss, am doing decent work, and am learning new things. It's challenging at times, which, my father reminded me, is what I wanted.

Two weeks ago I rode my bike from Seattle to Portland, as part of the Seattle to Portland ride. 202+ miles in 2 days. We (10 of us, friends and friends of-) rented a classroom in Centralia at the college for Saturday night. The ride was good. Sweated off my sunscreen and got a little burned on Saturday, then on Sunday had thunder and lightning, and rain on and off all day, including steady rain for the final 2+ hours (~30 miles) of riding. At the end I was wet and tired, but not dead. My dad brought a rose and a yellow jersey (polo shirt) for me. It was very sweet.

Since that ride, I now feel like it's possible to ride arbitrarily long distances: just keep eating and hydrating. Cyclotouring seems totally reasonable. Related to that, my metabolism is still kicked up to a higher level than before I started training. I'm hungry more quickly, have more muscle than before, and weigh exactly the same as I have for the past 4ish years.

Last weekend I flew to Palo Alto for 30 hours to visit my mom while she's on the west coast. Good visit, saw some other family, got mom a new 13" MacBook Pro. Also, the farmer's market produce was amazing.

Yesterday, at the request of a friend, I volunteered for The Kinky Carnival, working in the Ground booth, for folks who need some downtime due to over-excitement or overwhelm. We were right next to the kissing booth, and I was entreated to keep the kissers' lips warm on a number of occasions. Since then the phrase "lip fluffer" has been tossed about.

Out of the three raffle tickets I bought, two were winners. They let you choose your prizes from the available selection, and I selected the complementary prizes of a pile of purple hemp rope, and a 90 minute private rope lesson with Max. He said you can learn more if you bring your own rope bottom. Finding someone shouldn't be difficult.

After the carnival, I attended the birthday of my favorite 2 year old. It was delightful. There was cake.

Aside from all that, I'm still seeing The Cute Redhead (2.5 years at the end of August!), going on some dates, laying around in parks, going for walks, playing games, riding my bike, seeing friends, and eating too much ice cream. Life is pretty good.
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